AUBURN, CA—In what many are calling the most intense display of chiropractic care ever seen at an endurance race, ultrarunning legend Gordy Ainsleigh reportedly snapped 47 necks at the Western States Endurance Run’s chiropractic booth on Saturday, leaving participants in “shock, awe, and frankly, way looser than they’ve ever been.”
Ainsleigh, who famously pioneered the Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run in 1974, volunteered to work the race’s chiropractic booth, hoping to give back to the community he helped establish. Things quickly escalated when, according to witnesses, Ainsleigh entered “a kind of chiropractic flow state,” cracking spines and necks with precision and intensity that would make even the most experienced chiropractor blush.
“Gordy came at me with this look in his eyes, like he’d been adjusting backs his entire life,” said Ron Feldman, a race volunteer and new devotee of spinal realignment. “Next thing I know, I hear this pop, and I swear I saw God and the entire Sierra Nevada range in a single flash. My lower back’s never felt better!”
According to onlookers, Ainsleigh demonstrated “unmatched chiropractic intensity,” adjusting necks and spines with an enthusiasm typically reserved for crossing finish lines. “He didn’t even ask,” said Annie Driscoll, a first-time Western States finisher. “I sat down to stretch, and boom—he’s got me in a full Nelson. The next thing I know, my C4 vertebrae are right where they should be, and I can suddenly turn my head like an owl.”
As the 47th adjustment reached a climactic crack, a hush fell over the booth, broken only by Ainsleigh’s proclamation: “Now that’s endurance.” When asked for comment, race officials clarified that Ainsleigh’s chiropractic credentials were "unconfirmed," but noted that “when Gordy offers you a spinal adjustment, you don’t question it. You just pray and say thank you.”
At press time, Ainsleigh was reportedly discussing plans for a “Western States Adjustment Camp,” where runners would have the opportunity to experience what he described as “the real runner’s high”—complete alignment, whether you like it or not.