Thanksgiving is upon us, and that means one thing: it's time to sit down with family, enjoy a meal, and gently avoid falling down a rabbit hole with Uncle Todd and his endless crusade against traditional running shoes.
For many, a quick nod and polite “Oh, interesting!” usually does the trick. But when your uncle’s dedication to minimalist footwear knows no bounds, here’s how to make it through dinner without getting caught in a lecture about “natural foot biomechanics” for the umpteenth year in a row.
1. Pretend You’re on the Fence About Zero Drop
This is crucial. If he thinks he’s already “converted” you, he may not try as hard. Just nod, furrow your brow a little, and say, “Yeah, I mean, I’ve been considering zero-drop shoes for a while…” Uncle Todd will sense a potential ally, which might (if you’re lucky) keep him at bay long enough for you to go for seconds on stuffing.
2. Deflect With Specific, Vague Questions
Try asking questions that sound technical but don’t give him much to latch onto, like, “So do you think it’s more about toe splay or proprioceptive feedback?” His confusion may buy you time to grab more mashed potatoes before he pivots back to his lecture on “natural gait.”
3. Keep the Focus on His Shoes
This technique works wonders: every time he starts talking about the dangers of cushioned footwear, cut him off with a compliment about his own zero-drop shoes. “Wow, Uncle Todd, you make Altras look so good. What model are those?” He’ll get so lost in a gear rant about his favorite pairs that he’ll completely forget to ask what you’re wearing.
4. Feign Distraction With an Imaginary Foot Issue
“Oh man, that sounds great, but I’ve got this, uh, weird thing with my plantar fascia that only seems to work with more support.” You don’t even need to know what plantar fascia is—just say it with conviction. This may keep him at bay, as he can’t argue with your own body’s “special needs.”
5. Praise Him for “Staying Ahead of the Curve”
If all else fails, shower him with vague flattery like, “I really admire how you’re always, you know, ahead of the curve on this stuff.” He’ll be so busy basking in the glow of his self-identified trailblazer status that he might give you a brief respite. (Warning: use sparingly, as it may also embolden him.)
6. Ask Him to Show Your Aunt Janice Some Stretches
When you’re getting desperate, this tactic can buy you a solid 15 minutes: redirect him to Aunt Janice and her bunion issues. Casually mention, “Hey, Uncle Todd, didn’t you say zero-drop shoes can help with bunions?” Todd will leap at the chance to share his wealth of “foot knowledge,” and you’ll be safe—at least until dessert.
7. Plan an Escape Route
If none of these work, you may need to make a beeline for the kitchen, where you can busy yourself with dishes or carving duties. “Oh, I’d love to chat more about that Achilles tendon drop, but I’ve gotta check on the gravy!” If you’re lucky, he’ll move on to another unsuspecting family member before you return.
Thanksgiving may be about gratitude, but sometimes it’s also about outmaneuvering a determined uncle with strong feelings on heel-to-toe offset. With these strategies in your arsenal, you can enjoy your meal in peace—and maybe even leave with your current shoe preferences intact.