In a move described by critics as both baffling and dangerous, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., recently appointed head of Health and Human Services, has announced a sweeping proposal to eliminate all aid stations at ultramarathons, claiming the foods offered at these stations pose significant health risks.
“Ultraprocessed foods are a scourge on our society, and we can’t allow them to infiltrate even our most extreme athletic pursuits,” Kennedy declared during a press briefing. “The gels, the powders, the candy masquerading as energy chews—these are the tools of Big Food, not endurance. If we’re going to push human limits, we need to do so without poisoning ourselves.”
The announcement has left the ultrarunning community reeling, with organizers scrambling to understand the implications of Kennedy’s proposal. Western States Endurance Run Race Director Craig Thornley expressed deep concern over the future of the sport.
“This is going to devastate us,” Thornley said in a statement. “Western States has been operating for nearly 50 years, and aid stations are the heart of what we do. They’re not just food stops; they’re lifelines. Without them, I don’t see how we recover from this.”
Thornley also pointed out the logistical nightmare such a policy would create. “What are we supposed to tell our runners? Pack your own acai bowls and foraged mushrooms? This is madness.”
Kennedy’s credibility took a hit earlier this summer when he publicly announced the removal of what he described as “a worm in his brain.” While the revelation sparked widespread concern, Kennedy dismissed the incident at the time as “no big deal.” However, some are now speculating that the worm may have caused lasting effects, including his apparent crusade against aid stations.
“It’s hard not to connect the dots,” said an unnamed source close to the administration. “Ever since the worm thing, his proposals have become… erratic. One day it’s banning gels, the next it’s talking about mandatory foraging workshops for trail runners. It’s concerning.”
Runners, meanwhile, have turned to social media to voice their outrage. “I’m supposed to run 100 miles on kale and creek water now? Thanks, Worm Boy,” one runner tweeted. Memes have proliferated, with one viral image showing Kennedy handing a dehydrated runner a single celery stick.
For his part, Kennedy remains undeterred. “Aid stations are a crutch,” he insisted. “We need to challenge runners to reconnect with nature and with themselves. They don’t need chemical sugar packets; they need resilience.”
Back in the ultrarunning world, Thornley summed up the sentiment of many: “We’ve survived storms, wildfires, and pandemics. But this? This might actually break us.”