In a dilemma plaguing ultramarathon supporters everywhere, local spouse Jessica Walters, 36, has spent the last three weeks wrestling with how to politely suggest that her husband, Eric Walters, maybe “pick up the pace just a tiny bit” in his next 50-kilometer race.
Sources confirm Jessica’s struggle began during Eric’s most recent ultra, where she patiently waited near the finish line as other runners crossed. According to Jessica, the pace she thought would be “just a scenic jog” for Eric turned into a nine-hour saga involving energy gels, several rest stops, and a mysterious one-hour period where he “just kind of wandered around” trying to find his rhythm.
“I mean, I’m proud of him! He’s doing something incredible,” she insisted, carefully choosing her words. “But I feel like... maybe... he could wrap it up a bit sooner? Just so we could get home before dark, for example?”
Jessica first considered bringing it up casually, mentioning that other runners seemed to finish in under six hours “without any major health repercussions.” However, she’s wary of being mistaken for a “pace pusher,” knowing full well that her husband takes pride in “enjoying every step, savoring every view, and breathing in every mossy rock” along the trail.
Sources close to the situation report that Jessica tried hinting by signing up for an upcoming 10K as a show of solidarity. However, Eric just replied with a knowing smile, saying, “Don’t worry — even with the best training, the finish line comes when it comes.”
At press time, Jessica was reportedly drafting a text to Eric saying, “What if you just ran a little faster this time? Like, not so much you don’t enjoy it but, like, maybe enough that I don’t need to bring a headlamp to pick you up?”